Non-Violent Communication - Part II

Non-Violent Communication is very useful because it can be helpful in various contexts, including personal relationships, workplaces, education, and even large-scale conflicts. It emphasizes that behind every behavior or communication, there are universal human needs like being seen, feeling safe or heard, that, when recognized, can help bridge differences.

To reduce the pain of miscommunication there are 4 steps or principles of NVC. They are observation, feelings, needs, and requests. An observation or what happened, is when you describe the situation or behavior you’ve observed without judgment or evaluation. Sticking to the facts, not interpretations. For example, instead of saying, “You’re always late,” say, “You arrived 20 minutes after our agreed time.” Observations matter because clear, neutral observations reduce defensiveness and keep the conversation focused on what actually happened.

Identifying your feelings is the second principle. Recognizing how you feel when you make the observation can help you ground and make a connection to help you and the other person understand your emotional experience. Thus, express how the observation makes you feel, using specific emotion words like frustrated, sad, or joyful, rather than vague or blaming language. Such as, “I feel frustrated when meetings start late.”

What you need is the third principle. Needs are universal, and recognizing them creates a shared basis for problem-solving. Therefore, when you identify the unmet need behind your feelings it shifts focus from blame to understanding and collaboration. An example is, “I need to feel respected when we make agreements about time.”

Making a request or specific actions are the fourth principle. It provides a roadmap to move forward and empower the other person to contribute willingly. So when you make a clear, doable request that addresses the unmet need, try to avoid vague or demanding statements, such as, “Would you be willing to let me know if you’re running late next time?”

By practicing these steps/principles, you can transform potential conflicts into opportunities for connection and understanding. Additional benefits can be to: Foster mutual respect and understanding; Resolve conflicts peacefully; Build stronger personal and professional relationships; and Promote compassionate interaction.

There are many Non-Violent Communication trainers in the country and I encourage you to learn more about it. It won’t solve all problems but it provides another skill to live a better quality of life.